Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
