So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
please come you make the beer taste better
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
