After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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