so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
