I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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