Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
