Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
