So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
