I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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