the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
