So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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