she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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