My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
