You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
