Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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