dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
