I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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