I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
