i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
