Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
