i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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