OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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