"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
