every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
