FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
