also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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