cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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