We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So much rum. So many feels.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
