we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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