What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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