Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
