be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
