Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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