Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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