...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
