i just had sex bonerless
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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