Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
