It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
