Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
