Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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