No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
