Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
