i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm jealous of your bromance
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
