i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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