I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
