guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
