What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
