If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
