SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
