St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
