He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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