omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
