i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
