You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
