Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
